Journalism is my second class on the first day back from spring break, and I’m sitting here typing slowly, trying to write an article. It’s my last year of high school, and I only have four weeks left, but right now I feel like  giving up.

Am I scared? Overwhelmed? Or am I self-sabotaging? Maybe it’s a combination of the three. I have missing assignments in my classes that I can’t bring myself to finish, and without an attendance policy, many days I choose to stay home. And when I actually come to school, I struggle to be productive. 

My diagnosis has a name: It’s called “senioritis.” 

I have big plans for my future and I know that in order to succeed I need to graduate high school then college, but at this point I just feel stuck and scared. 

Lately, whenever someone brings up graduation, I find myself changing the subject. The topic alone produces so much stress and anxiety that I become overwhelmed. Obviously I want to get my work done, but lately I’ve been settling for the bare minimum. While I started the year off great, around October, things went downhill.

I know if I don’t graduate, I’ll feel like my whole life will be over. So why can’t I be productive? 

During spring break, I didn’t even open my laptop. At school, I have three open blocks but I never seem to really do any work. 

As the school year and my high school experience comes to an end, it takes more and more energy just to show up everyday, and then by the time I get to my last class, I am drained and exhausted. I’m not being assigned an overwhelming amount of work. The problem is me. I own it.

Maybe the pressure to graduate will push me to complete everything. Right now, I’m really counting on it.